sometimes, not often, i miss the insanity that used to be me. i don't often look forward to a future because, most of the time, i can't see one. usually, i am happy to exist in my present, trying to take as much good as i possibly can because i'm not used to having it and it feels so good. other times, like tonight, the future stretches out in front of me like a black hole and i wonder, What's the point? i wish i were me from five years ago because then i could easily give up, give in, get fucked up and forget my pain. tonight i feel empty and pinched, like the world is too big and it's making me so small. in a while i'll be drowning in loneliness even though, right now, it already pricks at me. why go on?
why not.
Comments